Finding You
by PaintTheAlienPink
Summary: The country of Spain has been without a human personification for a long, long time... Until Italy Romano meets a young man who goes by the name of Antonio Hernandez Carriedo. Then, everything changes.
1. Prologue: Losing You

**A/N: Look, I've published a real try at a multichapter fanfiction!** **This is a prologue, so that's why it's kinda short. All other chapters (except for maybe the epilogue if it will exist) are going to be at least two thousand words. I'm not really sure about the pairing yet. Heads up, it will probably be Spamano. But I'm not sure. It will either be Spamano or nothing at all. We'll see. **

**You know Spain's human name? It has two alternate spellings, and I happen to like both. In this chapter, I use the _Hernandez_ spelling. If you don't like it, it's easy to overlook. It's a tiny, tiny little letter. Anyways. I don't own Hetalia. **

* * *

"Antonio? Goddammit, where are you?" Francis Bonnefoy, or the nation of France if you will, is beginning to get worried. You see, he's in Spain, looking for said country's personification. His friend has recently taken the personification of South Italy into his care and Francis wants to know how the sadly-not-French territory is doing. But he can't find his friend anywhere. At his house? Nope. At the tomato fields? If only. Having looked through the places where he usually finds Antonio, Francis ends up asking Antonio's boss. She's a bit surprised at seeing the personification of France of all people in her home, but eventually decides to tell him.

"Antonio? Oh, he was supposed to have a meeting of some sort. I'm not quite sure with whom he was going to have the meeting however."

After going through all the trouble of finding the guy that Antonio supposedly was supposed to have a meeting with... Francis once again reaches a dead end. Antonio never showed up to the meeting, Francis hears. Antonio didn't show up. But Francis is still happy when the man has "more important things to do than a guy who didn't show up", and walks away. Because Francis doesn't know why, but this man scares the crap out of him. Something's not right with him, the way he walks, the way he talks, the way he smiles... But Francis soon give up on those thoughts. He'll never meet him again, so it's not a big deal. Instead, he concentrates on finding Antonio. So now, Francis wanders the streets of Madrid aimlessly. He doesn't have the faintest idea of where Antonio could be, and he eventually decides to give up. Even when the sentence "he didn't show up to the meeting" still haunts him and he knows that there's something wrong with this. Even then, he gives up. It's not like Antonio will be gone forever, right? Right?

Oh, if only Francis knew. If he had known, he surely would have continued searching for his friend. If he had known, he would have turned every stone and every brick. He would have torn down houses to find his friend. But... He didn't know. And so, the country of Spain is going to be without a human representation for a long, long time.

None of the nations will know _how_ or _why_. They will only know, that one day, Spain, Antonio Hernandez Carriedo, was gone without a trace. It will be a mystery to the nations for a long, long time. How can a nation just disappear like that, when it's not a consequence of the whole country falling? It would be one thing if the whole had collapsed. But it has not. So why is Antonio gone? Nobody knows. How? Nobody knows. Because nobody knows a thing at all. And if they do... Their mouths are shut.

In the beginning, when Antonio will have been gone for just a few months, there will be hope. After a year, some nations will stop hoping. Then, after another year, some more nations will stop hoping. It will continue that way, up until only the most stubborn nations will believe that the humanization of Spain is still out there. But with time, even that hope will surely fade. Time tends to do that. Time is merciless. Time bites down on everyone, sparing none. Time will eventually force the nations who still believe to give up. That's just how time works. With time, doubt will make its way into the hearts of the nations.

_Why would you believe that he will come back? He hasn't been seen for years, why do you still believe? Antonio is gone for good, to never come back. It's pointless. You know nothing of what has happened to him. You don't even know if he's still alive. _That doubt will make them give up. Sooner or later.

* * *

And so, the dice has been thrown. It will come to take a long time before Antonio shows up again. If he ever will. The question, however, isn't when he will appear again or if. The real question is and will always be; when will the nations notice it?


	2. Chapter 1: Meeting You

**A/N: I'm so sorry for not updating earlier! I'll try to update more often. But I can't promise anything. Sorry. I realized that the genre should probably be changed to angst because Romano angsts so much it's not even funny. Anyways: I don't own Hetalia, here is chapter one. I hope you like it.**

* * *

Italy Romano isn't one to whine and long for "the Golden Age". It's not like he's really had one, anyways. However, he can't help but sometimes - even though he'll never admit it - look back to the time when a certain Spanish nation and him had finally started warming up to each other. If someone asks, he'll tell them that the time with Spain was the worst in his life and that he's glad that the bastard's gone without a trace. But he'll be lying. And the words will make his heart ache. His life sucks, that must be it. Because, after all... When he finally had found someone who just might not always compare him to his brother... That person disappeared. It hurts. It hurts so much.

Tsch. It's not like Romano cares anyway. That bastard was just yet another guy who would always compare him to Veneziano. That's what Romano tells himself. But sometimes... Romano wants to know what would have happened if Spain hadn't disappeared all those years ago. He wants to know if he still would have been known as "that grumpy half of a nation whose pretty much useless and acts as a jerk towards everyone and nobody likes", because sometimes the loneliness can get so incredibly, incredibly hard. Even when he's with Veneziano the thought is always there. _Your brother is so much better and everybody loves him. Why can't you be more like him?_ Romano can't. Because he is and will always be Italy Romano; the useless excuse of - hah, not even a whole nation - _half_ a nation. He likes to pretend that it doesn't matter to him. But sometimes, when he's crying alone in the dark corners of his house, he wishes, he wishes... That somebody would tell him to cheer up and ensure him that to them, he's much better than his brother. But it's not like that'll ever happen.

* * *

It's with that in mind that Romano comes to Madrid, Spain. Even though the country has been without a personification for quite a while, there are still world meetings there. "To embrace the culture of a country whom you're not spending time with" or some shit like that. Just say that it's too much trouble to host a world conference if that's what you think, bastard! Romano is arguably not in one of his best moods. It's partly because of the fact that he's back in Spain, where so many memories lie... But the day started out bad for him, with cold water in the hotel's shower after waking up late because his brother forgot to wake him up. Now, he's running late, cursing as he tries to navigate through the stream of people going to their work and what not.

"Freaking people, freaking world conference. Freaking stupid brother who couldn't wake me up. Freaking stupid hotel. Freaking stupid city. Freaking stupid country!"

"What's wrong with the country?", a voice asks innocently. Romano jumps and curses, because he had honestly no freaking idea that someone stood there.

"B- bastard! You can't just appear in front of people like that! Goddammit, are you trying to scare me to death or something, you bast-" Then he notices that he's standing in front of a little kid, and trails of. Shit. He can't curse in front of a kid. Not that he gives a flying fuck, but he doesn't feel like explaining for this kids parents why he's swearing in front of their kid.

The kid in question is a boy who can't be more than six or seven. He has green, bright, curious eyes and brown, messy hair. His skinned is a bit tanned, as would be expected from someone who apparently lives in Spain. The boy repeats his question.

"What's wrong with the country, sir? I think that it's a really nice country, you know?" And then the boy tilts his head in that cute way that Romano hates because it looks so much like his brother when he doesn't understand shit and then the little child smiles and Romano can't and- Goddammit. Stupid cute kid.

"Tsch. It's not that I _dislike_ the country or something. I just... I had a fucking bad day, okay? Besides I don't have to explain shit to you! I don't even know you! You know what? I'm not going to tell you anything! It's not like I have some kind of obligation to do it! And besides-" Romano stops when the child visibly jumps back a bit when he screams. The boy bites his lips to stop them from trembling and his eyes begin to water.

"Oh hell no! You're not crying!" Romano then tries to comfort the child, throwing glances at the clock every now and then. Ah, what the hell, he's going to be really late anyways. Might as well... He grabs the child's shoulders and looks into his eyes. "Hey... Don't cry. I'm sorry for saying that..." Then the child looks at him, and practically throws himself into Romano's arms. It comes as such a surprise, that Romano curses. He's not used to comforting children, dammit! What does he look like? Some kind of babysitter? But he can't just ignore a freaking child crying. Gah, why the hell did he have to put up with this shit? He could have stayed home, forced his brother to go to the world meeting, but _no_, he just had to go to Spain. Stupid country. Stupid city. Stupid world.

Now, things turn a bit awkward. Romano is standing in the middle of a crowd with a little child whom he doesn't know crying his eyes out in his arms. He can't just stand there, so he decides to find another place. After some minutes of cursing and looking, Romano finds a bench not quite in the centre of people, where he sits besides the boy.

"Hey," he says as he begins the most awkward conversation in his life, "Why are you crying?" The boy doesn't answer. Romano normally isn't very patient, but he has to be right now. Because he may be viewed as cold and mean, but he can't leave such a young child alone right in the middle of so many people. Goddammit. Plus... He feels kinda bad for making a little child cry. Not that he'll ever admit it. But just because he has to be patient right now doesn't mean that he is. Romano is just about to snap and yell at the kid when said kid opens his mouth.

"I've- I've lost my parents in the crowd and I can't find them. I t-tried looking but I couldn't-" Once again the little boy breaks down in tears and Romano tries to comfort him. But of course, Romano isn't very good at comforting people. And he can't help but feel that breaking down in tears because of losing his parents in the crowd is kinda... Romano can't quite name the feeling, but it can't just be losing his parents in the crowd that is making him cry. It must be something else. He doesn't want to stick his nose into somebody else's business, but dammit...

"Are you sure it's nothing else?" Romano is almost surprised himself by the way those words comes out of his mouth. The boy looks up at him with his green, wide eyes full of tears, and then begins to cry some more. Romano can't help but inwardly sigh. He's going to lose his patience real soon, dammit.

"Well, you see..." The little boy begins, "My parents... They have screamed at each other a lot during the latest days, and today... They told me and my brother that they're getting a div- duv-"

"A divorce?" Romano asks, a bit relieved that the kid finally starts talking. He's going to be incredibly late to the World Meeting, but then again, he doesn't give a shit. The child nods at his words, and then continues.

"They- They said that I will live with dad and my brother will live with mom, and I won't be allowed to meet mom and my brother! They said it was because grandma doesn't like me! Because I'm not her real grandchild! What does that mean?" And so the coin falls down and Romano gets it. He's not his grandmas "real grandchild". This kid's adopted. And because of that, he won't be able to meet his brother or mother. It brings a painful flashback of when Romano himself was young, and his own grandpa took Veneziano with him instead and left Romano alone. He has no idea how to comfort something like that. But somebody needs to teach this child not to throw himself at random people that he meets. Because not everyone will want to comfort him (if what Romano was doing could be called comforting). Anyways...

"Hey," Romano begins, "Maybe you will be able to talk to your parents about it? I mean they're your fucking parents, they should view you as more important than your grandma, right?"

"Yeah, I guess..."

"That's right! So don't you dare let what your grandmother thinks weigh you down! You just gotta prove that you're way better than her! You don't need her, right?" Suddenly, Romano realizes that he's telling the kid to do the exact same thing that he himself had been trying to do and he can't let such a cute, innocent kid become like him. Alone. So he continues; "But don't act like you don't need anyone at all. Be nice. I'm sure you can do that, right?" As the child nods, Romano lets the shadow of a smile come across his face. Looks like he isn't entirely worthless, after all.

"Good. Let's find your parents then, shall we?" But then, Romano realizes that he still doesn't know the name of the kid. "My name is Lovino Vargas," Romano says, introducing himself with the human name he often use to cover up the fact that he's a nation. "What's your name?"

"My name is Antonio Hernandez Carriedo," the boy says and smiles. Romano can't help but notice how the boy - Antonio - looks really sad when that's how he feels - like, really sad - but his smile is almost as bright as the sun.

* * *

In the end, it takes a little more than an hour to find Antonio's parents. When they do, Romano gives them a serious lecture involving teaching their children what to do when they're lost and make sure that they know throwing themselves into the arms of strangers isn't really the best way of achieving a happy ending. In the end, everything turns out fine. In the end, Antonio finds his family again. In the end, Romano says goodbye to Antonio feeling that he has accomplished something good. In the end, Romano is two hours late to the world meeting and ends up skipping it altogether.

The potato bastard ends up calling him, wondering where he is. At the sound of Germany's voice, Romano wants to tell Germany a lot of things, but ends up saying something along the lines of;

"Well, maybe if your stupid freaking world meetings would be a bit more interesting I would have bothered to come. Besides, something more important than your stupid potato meetings came up and I chose that thing instead. Do you have a freaking problem with that?" As expected, the potato bastard does. The phone call turns into a yelling (well, cursing for Romano) match on both sides. But still, Romano ends the day feeling satisfied. He has helped a little kid find his family, skipped a world meeting _and_ had a yelling match with Germany, in which Romano managed to come up with quite... Interesting new terms describing the Germanic nation.

As a country, Romano isn't very likely to remember this single day as distinguished from any other day. He will however remember meeting a little boy named Antonio Hernandez Carriedo, whom he can't help but think reminds him of someone from a very, very long time ago. He will never admit it, but a tiny part of him wishes to meet Antonio again. Because nobody has ever looked at him the way Antonio did.


	3. Chapter 2: Running Into You

**A/N: Hi guys! Thank you so much for the reviews, favourites and follows, it means a lot to me. I don't really have that much to say. Some things in this chapter (you'll probably see where but I kinda "free-styled" it. Kinda) is inspired by one episode of Hetalia: World Series but I forgot which I'm so sorry.  
**

* * *

It has gone almost 18 years since Italy Romano, or Lovino Vargas, met Antonio Hernandez Carriedo. He can't say that his situation has gotten much better. He's still the one without any friends, who always curses at people who try to help him. It freaking sucks. It's not like meeting Antonio has made any difference, anyways. If anything, it hurts even more knowing that he could be looked up to and admired, just like anyone else. But it's too late now, is it not? Romano has been trapped inside the image he has created of himself and there's nothing he can do about it. He's stuck, unable to do anything but watch as everybody loves his little brother despite the fact that Veneziano is just as bad at fighting as Romano is. Romano doesn't know exactly when it started, but it must have been early on. Like when grandpa Rome took Veneziano with him instead and left his other grandchild alone.

But it doesn't matter now, goddammit. Romano doesn't care what other people think, he just... doesn't. At least he tells himself that. But the words that are uttered when they believe that he's not hear them, and the glances as they whisper about him... Sometimes, it's just too much, everything is too much. He wishes, he wishes so badly, that he would meet someone like Antonio. Someone who will look at him like he is one of the most amazing persons in the world. But he's just a stupid, grumpy nation whom nobody likes. So why would his wishes be fulfilled?

* * *

Romano is in Madrid, Spain, once again. He doesn't know why, dammit. It's not like he comes here because he secretly hopes to meet Antonio again, so don't even think of believing that, dammit! He doesn't give a damn about Antonio, he's perfectly capable of being alone without anybody taking care of him. Even though... It would be nice to not be alone all the time... At least Romano hopes so. But don't say that to anyone!

It's late January and even though it might be colder in other European countries at this time of the year, it's still cold. Romano can't help but curse and wonder why he didn't choose to stay home and come to visit the country when it was warmer. But so he remembers, that the potato bastard has decided to come visit his brother for a couple of days, and Romano refuses to be in the same house as that potato-chewing bastard if he can avoid it. Stupid potato bastard. Stupid Veneziano. Stupid Antonio.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid!" Romano begins to yell in a volume higher with each word. It makes people look at him but Romano doesn't give a damn. He doesn't understand why he bothers coming here. It's stupid, so incredibly stupid. As if though he _hopes_ to meet Antonio again. Hah! Keep on dreaming. But then...

"What's stupid?" And so Romano looks up and can almost feel his blood freeze in his veins. But it's only because it's cold, dammit! Or, well, not really. In front of him is a young man standing who Romano would estimate to be around 24, 25 years old. But it's not like he cares about stuff like that! Because Romano doesn't give a damn! But suddenly, he is reminded that this young man in front of him is probably around the age that Antonio would be now. And the similarities... This stranger shares Antonio's messy, brown hair and his green, shining eyes. But it can't be, Romano decides. So he goes on defense.

"Everything is stupid! Now leave me alone!" The stranger just smiles, but frowns a bit at Romano's words.

"But I can't just leave you here. Something is obviously wrong and I wouldn't be a very good person if I left you alone." This guy must be an idiot, Romano thinks as he hears the stranger's words. Why won't he leave him alone?

"Nothing is wrong, bastardo! Leave me alone!" The bastardo seems unfazed at Romano's words. Un-freaking-believable. It's quite obvious that nothing will happen here, so Romano scoffs, then turns around and walks away, taking as big and angry steps as possible.

* * *

The moment the stranger turns around and walks away, Antonio's smile wavers a bit. Did he say something wrong? He just wants to help! However, the retreating back of the stranger is a bit discouraging. Maybe he should just give up. After all, the stranger doesn't seem to like him very much. However... He changes his mind when he spots something on the ground, obviously dropped by the angry stranger. He picks it up and notices that it's a phone, most likely the stranger's. Antonio doesn't have to think long before he sets off after the stranger.

"Hey, wait! You dropped your phone!"

It doesn't take long to catch up, despite the angry stranger's long steps and speed. They are out of the crowd, for now, and Antonio finds himself in a park. The stranger still hasn't noticed him and just keeps walking. Until Antonio catches up, that is, and grabs his shoulder.

"Hey, you-" And then something happens.

_"Listen up, Romano. From now on, I, Spain, will be your boss", Antonio says. He's standing in front of a kid that could be the younger brother of the stranger, or perhaps a younger version.. _

_"Pay attention to everything that I say," Antonio continues. It's weird, because he's not the one who decides to say it, it's more like...His body moves and talks without him deciding to. He can only watch. But why? What is this?_

_"You? Hah, I would rather have some cute girl, but hell... Whatever." So says the little stranger (Had he been called Romano?) and Antonio can actually __feel__ that he - or the guy whose body he currently is inhabiting - is offended. Or annoyed, Antonio can't really place the feeling._

_"Do you even know in what situation you are in?"_

Momentarily, the scene fades and Antonio gasps for air. What the hell? But so...

_"I'm not sure that this is the right thing. Me taking care of Romano, I mean." It takes a moment for Antonio to settle in and understand where he is. He's sitting by a table, looking down at plate before him. He feels... - Antonio can't quite place it - conflicted, perhaps a bit held down. It's an unusual feeling for Antonio, who's happy more often than not, not letting trivial things bother him. Maybe it's because he has finally gotten a henchman, who ended up being worse than he initially had thought. Disappointment. But... It is also self-doubt. Is he capable of raising Romano right? Antonio wonders, and can't decide. What if Romano ends up worse than he already is? Would Antonio be able to live with destroying someone's opportunities like that? Even so..._

_"Give him to me, give him to me!" Suddenly Antonio notices a blonde stranger sitting beside him. A sense of familiarity lies with him, Antonio knows this man very well. But does he like him? Antonio doesn't know. On one hand...There are warm, friendly feelings for this man. He's a close friend. But there's also... Much, much more negative feelings. Like this man has been... In the way? Everything is so confusing. Antonio's feelings towards this man isn't the important thing, however. When the man utters his words, Antonio can instantly feel the word "NO" enter his brain, coupled with strong emotions._

_"I'm sorry, France," he opens his mouth and says (France? FRANCE? Like the country? Who would give their son that name?), "but no." And suddenly, resolve. "I will take care of Romano and make sure that he grows up to be a decent personification." (Personification of WHAT, Antonio wonders). The man's blue eyes soften._

_"Are you sure?"_

_"Yes, yes I am."_

_"Oh, well. You can always come to me if he's too much trouble, non" With those words, the stranger (France, perhaps?) stands up simultaneously as the scene begins to fade, and -_

"Bastard! Oi, bastard! Are you listening?"

Suddenly, Antonio can feel himself being shaken by something, someone, and the scene fades completely, leaving him none the wiser about what just happened. He blinks, before taking in the scene. He's back in the normal world... He thinks. The stranger has grabbed a hold of both his shoulder and is shaking them, as if trying to make contact. When Antonio blinks and regains focus, the stranger sighs and lets go off him.

"Finally. I thought you'd had an attack or something. You just stood there, looking at freaking nothing. Freaking scary, really. Anyway, I'm glad that you're okay. Well, it's not like I care or something, because why would I? You're just some stupid stranger who decided to stalk me, right? I'm just glad that you're okay so that I won't be forced to take you to the hospital or something, because that would be a pain in the ass! It's not like I care for you or anything. Because really-" The stranger's face grows red as he continues to ramble, and Antonio begins to smile.

"Ah, your face looks like a tomato!" And so, the stranger's face grows even more red.

"Shut up! Stop being mean, goddammit!"

"Well," Antonio begins, "I think that you look really cute." The stranger pales.

"No one's ever told me that, except for...", he whispers, barely audible. But then his expression changes. "I'm not cute! If you just came here to harass me you can get the hell out of here!" When the stranger says that, Antonio is immediately reminded of why he followed the stranger in the first place.

"Right," he begins. "If you really don't want me here, I'll leave. But you dropped your phone, and I don't think that you'd be very happy without it." While he speaks, Antonio raises the phone in his hand, as if to show that "yes, yes, I have it". The stranger eyes it.

"Well, shit," he says. Antonio gives the phone to the stranger, and barely touches the skin on the stranger's hands. It's cold.

"Hey. Thank you for... Getting me my phone. Most-" The stranger is cut off when Antonio begins speaking.

"Are you cold? You don't have any gloves, do you?"

"Hey, bastard. I'm trying to-" Antonio reaches for his pockets, continuing to talk.

"Here, you can have mine. I'm never cold anyway, but my parents insist." With those words, Antonio reaches into his pockets and pulls out his gloves, and gives them to the stranger.

"What are you? No, just no. I don't want your charity!" The stranger looks strangely cute while trying to give back the gloves, and Antonio smiles.

"Shouldn't you have thought about that _before_ you came to Spain in January without gloves?" The stranger looks a bit troubled at Antonio's words.

"I... Well... I was in a hurry, so stop asking!"

"If that's what you want. I'm Antonio by the way. Antonio Hernandez Carriedo. Or well, sometimes it's Fernandez, but I don't really care. Both are really nice names, you know? My parents however, have always argued whether it's Hernandez or Fernandez..."

The stranger looks a bit intrigued.

"You mean that they don't know?"

"Well..." Antonio's smile falters a bit, but he's still smiling nevertheless. "I'm adopted and nobody has any idea of where my biological parents are, so they can't ask them."

"Oh..." The stranger looks uncomfortable, feeling as if perhaps he has breached the wrong subject. "Sorry if it's sensitive... But it's not like I care how you feel or anything!"

"It's okay, really. Besides, now I can ask you what _your_ name is, as compensation." The stranger just scoffs, and mumbles.

"-rgas."

"Sorry, what was that?"

"Lovino Vargas, dammit! My name is Lovino Vargas!"

"What a cute name! Is it okay if I call you Lovi? I give all of my friends nicknames!" Lovino looks a bit taken aback.

"We're... Friends?" Antonio smiles.

"Of course we are. Hey, I work at a pet shop pretty close from here. If you want to, you can come there tomorrow when my shift has ended and we can get to know each other a bit more. I know some really nice cafés, there's even a turtle one, it's really cool. I don't really know, but you're reminding me of someone. Please, please?" Lovino scoffs, but eventually gives.

"Sure."

"Awesome! Meet me at this address around five pm tomorrow?" Antonio picks up a paper and pen from one of the many pockets on his beige jacket, scribbles something, and gives it to Lovino. "See you're tomorrow, then? Now, I think that I'm running late for work, so I gotta go. See you!" Then, Antonio runs away.

* * *

Romano watches Antonio run away and then quickly finds somewhere to sit down. He's shaking like an asp leaf. This Antonio looks exactly like the young Antonio he met 18 years ago (with the exception of having aged, of course). As if that's not enough. Antonio is also the spitting image of someone Romano used to know for a long, long time ago. But, no, it's probably just a coincidence. He can't allow himself to think like that. Because if he gets his hope up, only to have it brutally shot down... He won't be able to survive.


End file.
